Feeling lost

Some days I wonder who I am. And when I look back on my life, I wonder if I've ever been my true self.

Ever since I was little, I've always been a people pleaser. I always behaved and looked a certain way of which I thought it was right and would make other people happy. It wasn't until very recently that I wondered what I want in life and who I want to be. And the answers to these questions were harder to find than I thought.

Surround yourself with happiness.

One of the most important things is to surround yourself with things and people that make you happy and give you energy. I started with clearing out my Instagram and I decided to unfollow every page that didn't gave me a happy feeling, even if that meant unfollowing old friends, family and coworkers. And this might sound weird, but this was very challenging for me, because "what if they find out I unfollowed them?" and "what if they will ask me why?". But the answer to those questions is very simple: My happiness is more important than someone else's possible thoughts and questions. I do not owe anyone an explanation when it comes to decisions I make, and if I feel like I do I should just be honest. Then I started looking for accounts of likeminded people and pages that speak to me and suit my interests. So now my Instagram homepage is a happy place instead of a place that made me compare myself to others and made me feel insecure.

It is so important to surround yourself with people who get you, not just on social media but also in real life. There is nothing wrong with going over your friendships and maybe realize that a friendship is no longer serving you. Maybe you've grown apart, or maybe you've been friends for such a long time that both of you became different people. You don't have to cut cords immediately if you don't want to. But it is important to decide who you want to spend your time with and to decide for yourself what you expect in a friendship.

Spend time with yourself

I cannot emphasize this enough, but spending time with yourself is só important! How can you expect yourself to know who you are and what you want in life, if you don't spend any time with yourself?

To me, meditation is my number one me-time. It is the first thing I do when I wake up in the morning. I go into a separate room so I won't be disturbed, put on some meditation music, light a candle and some incense. You can spend time with yourself in so many different ways: go for a walk in nature, go out for lunch or dinner with yourself, meditate, sit in a quite place and enjoy your surroundings, take yourself on a weekend trip or vacation, go to the beach/river/lake, visit a new city or place by yourself, go for a bike ride or a run, do yoga etc. Find something that works for you and that you enjoy doing.

Unlearn and learn

I think we all have some qualities or behavior we would rather say goodbye to. Maybe you're a know it all, you're afraid to say no, you always have to be right, you're lazy etc. The good news is that you can unlearn things! I practice this every morning during my meditation and it's working wonders. I pick one quality or behavior that I would like to unlearn and focus on it for a while: when does it show, how does it make me feel, is this behavior a trigger to a certain event, how can I be aware of my behavior in that specific moment etc. Then I decide what I would like to replace it with and focus on that for a while: what would the situation look like if I would behave in my desired way, how would it make me feel, what would be the result etc.

If you find it difficult to implement your new behavior or quality, you can use a trigger. For example a ring, bracelet or maybe even a tattoo. Something that is in a place where you almost automatically look when the quality or behavior you want to unlearn is showing. This way you will be reminded of whatever it is that you want to unlearn, but also of the quality or behavior that you want to learn.

Another way to practice your new behavior is to imagine the situations in which your current/old behavior usually shows, and focus on the new behavior you want to learn. Analyze how the situation can change and how it would make you feel and focus on that for a while. The more you practice this in your mind, the easier it will get in real life.

Look like you

Chances are you're not looking like the version of you that you want to become. This could be clothing, a specific haircut, your weight or anything else. Whatever it is, you can change it if you want to. Look like the person you want to become in any possible way. By allowing yourself to already look like this version of you, it will be so much easier to behave like that version too. Decide what the future successful* and happy version of you will look like, and go for it.

*Successful means something different to everyone and does not necessarily have anything to do with being wealthy!

So, these are some of the things that help me when I feel a bit lost. I hope this has been helpful and made it a bit easier for you to go on your journey to find your true self.


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